An open letter to the girl who lives in the building next to mine:

Dear Neighbor Whose Windows Face Mine,
I CAN SEE YOU! I don't know if you know that or not, so I'm telling you now.

I can see you when you shower, because, FYI, a clear curtain isn't quite enough to hide your naked body in your GIGANTIC shower window. But, it's been a few months now, and I've gotten used to the sight of you shaving your legs when I come home from a long day at work. I don't even mind seeing you walk around your apartment all the time. No big deal. Who needs curtains when all you do is watch the WB constantly and pet your cat? (Yes, I know what your favorite channel is.)

But something has recently changed in your life, and it's changed my life too. Your recent acquisition of a boyfriend has translated into some real visual treats for moi, thanks to your transparent shower curtain and utter lack of ANY other sort of draperies, especially in the bedroom.

Let's just say that I was not expecting to wake up yesterday morning, open my window to let in the beautiful light of day, and see you getting fucked from behind in the SHOWER no less than fifteen feet from my bed. Last night, I was relieved to see only him in the shower. Fast forward to this morning, when I awoke to your boyfriend's bare ass, pumping away, with only your feet in sight.

I'd also like to get something straight. I am NOT a voyeur. All the information that I glean from your life is from a series of momentary glances; I mean, I'm only human. But I can only take a tiny slice of the blame.

I don't want you to stop getting it on. I'm glad to see you with a social life, to be honest. Maybe this is what apartment living is all about. I don't know. I have only one simple request. When you are getting busy, please, for the love of all that is sacred, PUT SOME CURTAINS UP! I CAN SEE YOU!


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