An Outline of My Drinking Habits, by Pollyanna Cowgirl
I. If I drink 1-2 alcoholic beverages in a night, I am so much fun.
A. Behaviors include:
1. Heightened capacity for being hilarious.
2. Dancing.
3. Singing.
4. Hugging and/or "being touchy."
II. 3-4 drinks includes the aforementioned and adds a few behaviors.
A. I may fall down.
1. I may attempt to blame this fall on outside influences, i.e. slippery floor, high heels, etc
B. At this point, I no longer photograph well.
1. This problem can be caused by one or more of the following: blotchy skin, exaggerated
facial expressions, and "drunk eyes."
C. I am capable of asking for a stranger's phone number.
D. If I am at home, I may attempt a "booty call."
III. 5 + drinks only leads to negative behaviors.
A. I may cry uncontrollably.
1.Possible reasons for drunken crying.
I. A general feeling of weepiness, often accompanied by the classic "I love you, man."
II. The sadness of the weight of the world is too much to bear.
III. A person is not doing what I want them to do, also categorized as a "hissy fit."
B. On rare occassions, I may try to coerce a person to sleep with me (see "booty call", 2D.)
C. I may pass out.
1. Contact lenses, jewelery, and party clothing may be left on.
D. Most rare: vomiting.
1 comment:
II.
E. upon arriving home, leaving clothing strewn all about the house, leading your housemate in the morning to believe that you exploded.
what did you fall under last night? hmm?
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