Jo, I...I can't lift the needle anymore...

SICK, SICK, SICK. Did y'all ever see "The Young Ones" where Vyvian is so sick that they put a pillowcase over his head because he won't stop sneezing? And then the pillowcase turns all green from boogers (or, as they call them in jolly olde England, bogeys) and Vyvian gets so angry that he hits himself in the head with a hammer? Yeah, that's a good one.

But seriously, this is absurd! I can't be sick again, or soon I'm going to have to refer to myself with the dreadful adjective, "sickly." Like that pale kid in grade school who was always absent, or Beth in Little Women, when she can barely lift the needle to do her embroidery, or that person in the movies who's always coughing behing you, the sickly are a miserable bunch, and now that I've had two colds in one month, I have no choice but to lump myself in with them.

Of course, being sickly affords one a few opportunities, such as the chance to watch multiple episodes of "I Love the 90's: Part Deux" in secret, after decrying its lameness to everyone. Honestly, "I love 98?" That was like, 3 years ago! Let's focus on the future, people! I can't wait until there's "I Love 2004..." I think it's coming out in the spring. However, I'll admit it; I'm addicted to that whole damn series. Especially to that Michael Ian Black. His quips send shivers down my spine.

Well, I'm going back to bed. "I Love December 2004: Pollyannacowgirl Edition" is on; a second-rate celebrity panel will be discussing my move to California, how short my hair is, the knitting fad, and Michael Ian Black does some spot-on impressions of Father John's Christmas Eve sermon. I can't wait.

1 comment:

Derek said...

Well, you know why you are sick, don't you? Because you left sparkling downtown Portland, and the army of Polly Conway lovers. It is surely only the D.T.s you are experiencing, though it maybe the change in diet. I recommend eating plenty of h'douvres, and drink a shit load of wine. Hopefully, you will regain your strength, and live a very sturdy life. Did you get my e-mail? I loved the card!