HE Who Gets Slapped...

Well, it's the night before my birthday, and I guess it's only appropriate that I should be watching a silent movie about a love-starved, insane clown. It sort of combines everything I've grown to appreciate over the past 25 years. Oh my god. This dude just totally stabbed the clown! Speared him right through the heart! God, if I were someone else, this would really be creeping me out right now, but I am digging it thoroughly. Oh! The clown-killer just took a swig of champagne and waltzed out the door, but....oh my god, behind the door was a vicious lion! I kid you not, I am telling you this in real time, as I see it! Oh, that bad man is going to die. That lion is going to eat him. And the clown is lovin' it. I think that the clown, whose name is "HE," yes, all-caps, had to kill the man because he was going to marry his beloved horse-riding artist. But she doesn't know that HE loves her, because HE is a clown, and those clowns are always joking around. Now a huge posse of Harlequins is dancing. This could not be more up my alley.

Okay, I'm sorry. I got carried away. I love it when these unexpected media treats come my way. Shh...all the clowns are crying. The title card reads: "What is Death? What is Life? What is Love?" Ohhhh...Lon Chaney was HE!" Boy, that makes sense. I'm gonna try really hard to find a picture of HE, because I want everyone to see what I have seen tonight.

What a great birthday present. Thank you, television. I love you.

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