I need help...

I bought my brother Steve Martin's new autobiography for Christmas. Is it okay if I just read it real fast before I give it to him? I'm a really fast reader. But then I'd have to pretend that I hadn't read it, so he could have the pleasure of enjoying it first.

I'm watching Steve Martin on Charlie Rose right now, and he has old man hair. Not because it's white, because it's always white, but because it's old-poodley and fluffy. However, his face is smooth and unlined as Bernadette Peters'. Plastic surgery? I don't even care. I love him! Here's a video of them both being adorable, and a segue into the fact that I'm getting close to achieving my holiday goal: being able to sing and perform Mele Kalikimaka on my ukulele at a moment's notice. Here's a scenario:

Scene: A holiday party. Guests are mingling.

Guest A: Say! Who knows a holiday song that we can all sing together?

Me: Why, I do! (Whips out ukulele.)

These are the things I fantasize about. Also, I was listening to AM radio on my drive to San Luis yesterday, and I heard what will now be known as my theme song. I want to start performing it at random. I'm not ready to divulge what it is quite yet, but it's powerful stuff.


Anonymous said...


I myself bought this book. It is a gift for Stephen's brother. I had to hide it under piles of stuff to avoid temptation of reading it. I know I cant' open it up and comfortably read without creasing the pages out and making things REAL obvious.
If you have time, please learn how to play 'If I Could Turn Back Time' on ukelele. If that's too difficult, please find sheet music for 'Mr. Belvedere' theme song and learn that.
Can't wait to see you soon in SLO!!! Liz

Squidhelmet said...

Read it!

I'm actually more surprised that he doesn't read your blog (where not only will you spoil the surprise of his gift, but you also reveal yourself as a pre-gift user!)

ted d. said...

Um, I read sloppy and fast, and I thought you bought your brother's autobiography, which I can only hope is prophetic.

I would read it.

Anne Lynch said...

Totally read it first. It's not like it is a toy helicopter that you took out of the box, assembled, tried to fly it in your living room, attached a paper clip to the front to make it fly straight, and then took it back apart, put it back in the box, and then wrapped it up to give as a gift. I mean, come on, it's a book! Go for it!