A year ago today, I was rolled out of the emergency room and into my hospital room. I remember waking up from the anesthesia and someone telling me, "Your mom's in surgery now," before I passed back out. I don't remember being able to think anything profound, about life and death and family and what might or might not happen. I think all that stuff comes way before, or way later.

In the moment, there's no time for that kind of rumination.

A year later, I've had a lot of time to think about it. I can't even write ten percent of how I feel about what I got to do, but the gist of it is that I feel very lucky to have that experience in my past. Even though there were some really awful parts, like when my mom rejected the kidney and we spent Thanksgiving in the hospital. And when she rejected it again on New Year's. And when I had to feed her spoonfuls of broth because she was too weak to feed herself. And when she had Prednisone roid rage and yelled at me for leaving a blanket on the floor while we were watching "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on the tiny tv. There was a lot of stuff like that, and it didn't stop for a long time.

I guess there's never a moment when the doctors call you in and say that everything is all better forever, thanks to you, which is kind of what I was hoping for. But a year later, everything is good. My mom's health is amazing, we talk every day, and, like I said, I feel very lucky.

What's good is calling my mom now and hearing her say, "Oh, I was just at the gym." And going shopping without her getting winded. Last Christmas I bought my parents tickets to see a play of their choice here in San Francisco, knowing full well that it might not be a possibility at all. So when they came up a few weeks ago and we saw Spring Awakening, it was extra good.

Here's to another good year.


Squidhelmet said...

Man, that was a nice little read. Thank you Polly.

Glad to hear your mom's doing better!

Suzanne said...

Aw, I'm so glad Polly. My mom takes Prednisone fairly often too, so I know what you're talking about. I hope to see you soon. I'll try and plan another night soon!

Sue said...

You are such an inspiration, a wonderful daughter, and an amazing friend. I love you!

Hobocamp Crafts said...

wow that is an amazing story. You're a great girl, Polly! Glad your mom is doing well!

nostromo said...

I'll say it, for what it's worth:

Because of you it's all better now.

Because that's the truth! (invisible pat on your back) :) !