And I guess that means I'll be continuing to yammer on about little ol' me . I was just trying to think of ways to make this blog more entertaining, but I guess that means I'll just have to have a more entertaining life!
Luckily, I suffered a grand-scale embarrassment this week that I'm fully willing to share. I have a sweet new temp job as a Marketing Specialist at the same place I left in November, which is great except for my total inexperience and lack of marketing knowledge. My co-worker asked if I wanted to join her for a drink after work, and I accepted. She said some other people might be there. I said okay. We walked towards Union Square. I didn't know what I was getting into.
We arrived at the bar, which was inside a swanky hotel, and were ushered in by greeters with black t-shirts with the word "RECESSION" across the chest. Before I had time to figure out how I felt about the shirts (update: lametarded), I was overwhelmed by teak and mahogany, incredible lighting, and "digital paintings" that changed every few minutes on the walls. I don't know how else to explain it, but it was the fanciest place I've ever seen. It looked like the plush bars they show high-class criminals hanging out at on Law & Order. I didn't think real people had casual drinks in places like this. But apparently they do, and apparently I could too.
I thought I was just meeting some of my co-workers friends, but I quickly discovered that I had walked into some kind of horrific meet & greet with the cream-of-the-crop of the Bay Area Web 2.0 professional community. Social events with my peers are hard enough, but I felt like I had ended up at a red-carpet event wearing sweatpants and a sports bra. That is to say, I was a sweaty fish out of water in a sea of well-dressed, well-to-do, motivated technology people.
I put on a smile and tried to fake comfort, but it wasn't pretty. I just wasn't prepared for mingling. I need ample warning before I can get into the mingling mood.
I'm not saying the people weren't nice. They were. They were just movers and shakers, and I'm more of a wobbler. Also, once it became clear through conversation that I was in no way connected to anyone important in the tech realm, I definitely felt the cold shoulder moving in. And I made the awesome mistake of mentioning poetry, which is almost magical in its ability to kill a conversation. I recommend it.
Which forces me to digress to another story: when I first started at this company last year, I found myself in the elevator with one of the big bosses. We ended up making idle chit-chat, during which I stated, "I'm so-and-so's new assistant," to which he said, "That's great! And where were you before?" I froze. Where was I before? My couch? Sleeping a lot? Shoving handfuls of popcorn into my mouth? Crying uncontrollably in my car? I couldn't think. If I had more time, I might have thought of the right answer, which was, "I'm a self-employed artist working on a variety of projects," but instead, I stammered, "Uh...nowhere," and giggled a little bit. That's right. I wasn't at Microsoft. Or Twitter. I wasn't fresh from a stint at Google. I came from Nowhere. Needless to say, my response elicited awkward silence until the elevator reached the lobby. Moral of story: Me not good at business talking.
Back to the bar. After a number of well-meaning handshakes, nods, and smiles, and halfway through my second $12 Manhattan, I realized I had to split or or I was going to melt into a pool of sweat and liquid stress. I busted ass out of there and proceeded to decompress for the next few hours.
I'm not saying I can't hold my own in any conversation or situation. I think I do okay. I was just caught completely off guard, and it made me feel like barfing all over the sparkly cut-glass
bar.
**Also, if you have Netflix, I feel that it's my responsibility to let you know that Pee Wee's Big Adventure is now available to Watch Instantly. Tequila!**
