Celebrity Crafting Starring Jeff Goldblum

 I do a lot of searches on Etsy and the internet for craft stuff. It's part of my job, but it's also one of my favorite time-killers. Like the twisted roads Wikipedia can take you down, one Etsy search for "vintage japanese beads" can lead to something unexpected, such as the innocent hunt for "jeff goldblum crafts." I was shocked, shocked, to find nothing! How could this be? I thought there would be at least one thing. Nope. In a world where this exists, why should I be left unsatisfied?

There is a possible conspiracy. A few months ago I found the most beautiful painting of Jeff Goldblum being eaten by a whale. In the 30 seconds between showing it to Peter and going back to buy it, the painting sold. Seriously.

I dropped a lot of hints to the crafty community at large, but with limited results, I've taken matters into my own hands. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you my first Jeff Goldblum craft. It was inspired by this nice tutorial I found on Pinterest from the blog Virginia & Charlie.

so pretty, right?

 I used a slightly different technique because I am lazy and weirdly not a perfectionist when it comes to crafts. I printed out a pic of the classic "Jeff Goldblum is watching you poop" image (which is originally from The Fly, thank you very much, one of my favorite movies and something else I've been thinking about lately), placed it and a piece of embroidery transfer paper on top of my canvas, and started tracing with a ball-point pen. Then I followed the lines created by the transfer paper with white puffy paint.

my printer's got probs but it actually helped for this project.

 I let the paint dry and while I was pretty pleased, it seemed to be lacking in depth, so I found some watercolors and did a nice sky blue wash over the whole thing. The result:

I didn't quite get the insane quality in his eyes, but puffy paint is a challenging medium. Next time! I think actual embroidery or plush are next on the list; what do you think? Oh, and here's a fun video of the man himself on Tim and Eric. (Side note: This is one of my main depression symptoms. And I don't even take Wait-Mate!)