Karaoke Outfit

I haven't always been a karaoke genius. It's taken years of honing my craft to reach the level of power that I'm at right now. Last night I realized something, though: it's not the song choice, or singing ability, or even dancing skill: it's the outfit.

The karaoke outfit isn't necessarily your favorite outfit. I tend to dig mine out from the back of the closet. But it must be carefully chosen.

The karaoke outfit must feature at least one bold statement. Either a bright color, tight shirt, or tiny skirt; all these will achieve the desired effect on your psyche. Something special. An old beloved favorite. Also, a new or exceptional accessory can do the trick.

Let me make myself clear; these accoutrements are not for the audience. They're for you! If you can wear something with a little edge, you're guaranteed to feel more confident, and in turn, rock harder. If you're ballsy enough to wear a sparkly gold belt over an orange shirt, go-go boots, and dangly blue heart-shaped earrings, then of course you can sing ELO's "Don't Bring Me Down," even if you don't think you remember all the words. With the right karaoke outfit, all fear evaporates.

Oh, and the booze helps too.

By the way, I need some help from old friends. My friend Will is claiming that many years ago, I sang "Money" by Pink Floyd, and was faced with the tragedy of a 91-measure break. Can I please get some backup here ? It was not me, but Damian, who conquered this jam. I would never, in a million years, dare to sing a Floyd song. I mean, come on. Not my style. However, William isn't taking no for an answer, and things are getting heated. I need to win this argument; I will die of heartbreak if I find out that I've had not one, but two karaoke song blackouts. The shame would be unbearable. Help me, please.