10.04.2005

Shame, shame, know thy name


I tried so hard to infuse the Parking Division of the San Francisco DMV with my usually successful brand of sunny cheer, but those fuckers were having none of it. Therefore, I will no longer attempt to be a shining light in the fog of misery.

I swear, DMVs will suck a good mood right out of you. Not unlike the pink slime in Ghostbusters II.

I was there regarding my car accident of this weekend, which not only took my bumper, but also the residential parking permit located on said bumper. Some cruel, cruel meter maid dared to give a ticket, to which I say, FOR GOD'S SAKE! CAN'T YOU SEE MY BUMPER'S BEEN TORN CLEAN OFF?! GIVE A GIRL A BREAK."

Therefore, I decided I'd better get myself a new permit and place it somewhere on the car's back end. I took a bunch of digital photos of the bumper in the back seat, closeups of the actual permit, and thought that this would be enough to make the DMV give me a new permit at no cost.

I was wrong. Although I am an upstanding citizen, the DMV looks upon me as yet another conniving criminal out to screw the city out of yet another free parking permit. I offered them the photos. Not enough proof. They said I needed to peel off the sticker and bring it back in to them.

I tried to do this. However, the sticker was virtually unpeelable! It was coming off in teeny tiny pieces, and I thought, this is absurd. So I brought back in the teeny pieces to show the DMV people. I'm not even going to mention the amount of time I waited in line. When I offered them my little green shreds, they shook their heads and said, "No, that's not enough. We need the whole sticker." I said, "IT WON'T COME OFF!" They said, "Oh, yes, it will. Get a razor blade, or, hot water works sometimes."

I was stunned. I had no choice but to leave DMV hell and return to my home, where, yes, I lugged my bumper from the backseat into my kitchen, where I have been diligently picking at the decal with tweezers and a boiling hot sponge.

DMV, you have stolen my dignity.

7 comments:

Tara said...

WHY? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, didn't you take the whole flippin bumper into the DMV? That would have been classic!

pollyanna cowgirl said...

Oh, Tara, I was THIS close, I'm telling you. In retrospect, I should have.

Derek said...

That's what I would have done! Fuck those cunt-ass bitches and their fuckin' jive.

jordananne said...

whole bumper! whole bumper! do it just to spite them!! C'mon now Polly, Man UP!! Yea.

Crystal said...

This unjustice cannot be taken! I am coming down to kick some ass!

sue said...

polly. listen. stop with the sponge and tweezers already and drag that bumber in there. make sure to scratch the floor and make sparks by actually dragging the damn thing and also, if you could break a few windows swinging that thing around, that would be pretty dope too. honestly, how awesome would a huge scene be - it would be great experience for your acting career as well. ham it up, lady!!!

The Crystal Piece said...

uRemember the title credits to "The Flintstones," when the gang pulls into that fast food drive-thru and they unload that obscene dino-chop into Fred's ride? That is seriously the first image that popped into my head when I thought about you lugging a bumper into the DMV. I think all the fried octopus bites I've been eating are freaking my mind out.