Anything is possible in 2012

I'm not so hot at writing about my FEELINGS. Even though that's what lots of blogs are all about, I don't like getting too personal on the internet. Especially if it's a downer. But it's no secret that thanks to depression and anxiety, I have a lot of "bad days" that complicate my life and hinder my ability to be awesome at all times. It's something that I've been working with for about ten years, and it's no fun, but I get a lot of help. People have been really kind and generous (gross! I just quoted a Natalie Merchant song) to me this year, and I feel more supported than ever before. 

from Cut it Out Art on Etsy
 After over a year in therapy with an awesome Amazonian therapist who bears an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Beverly Crusher, brings up Jesus Christ Superstar all the time, and helps me with simple things like goals and decision-making, I feel like I'm in control as much as I can be.

How does it work? I have to look at each new day as an opportunity to start fresh, because oftentimes I'm not too jazzed about the day that just went down. It really is a day-to-day thing. It has to be. I'm tired of jinxing myself by saying, "I think I'm better now. Yup, it's all uphill from here," after a week or a month of being "okay." Then, the next shitty day I stay in bed or can't summon the strength to go to the post office seems like even more of a failure. The idea of being "better" is not really a goal anymore. Like the Buddhist buddies say, just being is a good way to go.

The reason I'm bringing all this up is because I recently Tweeted about some of my depression hassles, and a kindred spirit sensed my need and sent me the above piece of art. Just out of the blue! Just to be nice! I've had this incredible gift in my house for over a month now, and I'm just so overwhelmed by the gesture that I haven't written about it or even said thank you. So, THANK YOU, Shana Hampton! It really means a lot to me.

A classic beauty from Shana's shop, Cookoorikoo
I think the more we share about these challenges and make connections with each other, the less alone people (people = me!) will feel, especially in this blogosphere made up of pretty pictures. Behind every Instagrammed tablescape or perfectly photographed vintage find is a real person. I'm one of them!


sarah said...

You are not alone (gross! I just quoted a Michael Jackson song). Depression sucks. We don't.

p.s. I bought a necklace from you quite a few years ago, and when I contacted you to ask where I could purchase a replacement chain b/c mine broke, you just up and sent me one. You are sweet.

Becky said...

I love this blog post. And I love you! And I get to see you soon! All good things.

Jen said...

Love to you. You are so amazingly awesome. You inspire me and please reach out if you feel to do so. I am in the same boat :)

Christina said...

I feel much the same way. I battle MDD and my professional friend (aka my therapist) told me a while back to "Live in the Moment" and I have to remind myself of that often. Thanks for sharing your feelings and putting words to mine.

Crooked Sister said...

Lady, you are SO not alone. I spent this Monday and Tuesday crying my head over some crap that went down at work. And I could barely drag myself out of bed. So it's kind of funny and seredipitous that you blogged about this today. And it made everything feel a little bit better. So kudos to your amazingness and honesty.

Meaghan said...

You're not alone and you are wonderful! You deserve to live your best life - moment to moment is the way to go. <3

shana said...

i love this post. thank you!

and yes, you are totally not alone and you ARE completely awesome.


Deirdre said...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And, finally, thank you. You have managed to describe my life over the last year in 5 paragraphs...minus the Beverly Crusher therapist. But how cool would it be if the therapist I'm seeing tomorrow, for the very first time, looks like Jean Luc Picard?
Anyhoo, thanks so much for your blog post. I know it sounds cheesy, but it really does help knowing that I'm not the only person out there that struggles with such things. You totally rock.
Much love,