I'm not so hot at writing about my FEELINGS. Even though that's what lots of blogs are all about, I don't like getting too personal on the internet. Especially if it's a downer. But it's no secret that thanks to depression and anxiety, I have a lot of "bad days" that complicate my life and hinder my ability to be awesome at all times. It's something that I've been working with for about ten years, and it's no fun, but I get a lot of help. People have been really kind and generous (gross! I just quoted a Natalie Merchant song) to me this year, and I feel more supported than ever before.
|from Cut it Out Art on Etsy|
After over a year in therapy with an awesome Amazonian therapist who bears an uncanny resemblance to Dr. Beverly Crusher, brings up Jesus Christ Superstar all the time, and helps me with simple things like goals and decision-making, I feel like I'm in control as much as I can be.
How does it work? I have to look at each new day as an opportunity to start fresh, because oftentimes I'm not too jazzed about the day that just went down. It really is a day-to-day thing. It has to be. I'm tired of jinxing myself by saying, "I think I'm better now. Yup, it's all uphill from here," after a week or a month of being "okay." Then, the next shitty day I stay in bed or can't summon the strength to go to the post office seems like even more of a failure. The idea of being "better" is not really a goal anymore. Like the Buddhist buddies say, just being is a good way to go.
|A classic beauty from Shana's shop, Cookoorikoo|